C[omp]ute

From: "andrew cooke" <andrew@...>

Date: Fri, 5 Dec 2008 13:42:30 -0300 (CLST)

I decide to close my account with BCI......

I call their help line, but (after waiting) I am told it is not possible
to close an account via phone or internet; I have to go to my local branch
to talk to my account manager.

I go to my branch, but the account manager is busy.  So I sit down and
wait.  The savings lady seemed to think I am suspicious and sends someone
over to check me out.  I explain that I am waiting for my account manager.

The guy he was dealing with leaves, so I approach my account manager and
tell him I want to close my account.  He asks why.  I give a vague
explanation and ask again to close my account.  He asks why again.  I
ignore him and explain I had two worries: first, that a fixed-term savings
will be OK (he says yes); second that I have outstanding debit on a
cancelled credit card.  He checks the card (while waiting on the phone he
asked me again why I wanted to cancel: "Don't you like us?").  I ask about
the remaining balance and he says I can transfer it via the Internet. 
Finally I sign some papers, am given a number to call once the account is
empty, and told to return a "multipass" (a digital source of random
numbers, connected to a timer, used to secure internet banking - quite
neat and made by RSA Inc).

I walk home and triy to move money out of my account.  The site crashes
(technical aside - it seems to only renew the session on certain pages,
not others, and if the session is bad on some pages, you get a blank
screen rather than a login prompt).

I try again and can't even login ("please try later").

I try again and transfer the money.

I call the number I was given to finally close the account.  The person
who closes accounts was busy, so they say they would call back within 48
hours.

I walk back to the bank with multipass (the internet number thing).  The
receptionist is busy, so I wait.

The receptionist, once free, won't accept my multipass.  I have to block
it first and am told to call the phone with option 3 (there are some
phones in the bank for public use).

I call option 3, but that is for savings, not cancelling things.

I call again, and try to navigate the menus.  I am put on hold.  I waited
listening to adverts.  Eventually (after 5min?) the line goes dead.

I call again, and again am put on hold.  I notice a drinks machine and get
a hot-chocolate (last cup!).  I am still on hold.  Someone finally answers
and tells me they need to transfer me.  I am put on hold again and knock
over the chocolate.  There is nothing to wipe the mess clean.  Eventually
someone answers and says that I have called the wrong number.

I return to my account manager (who is free and chatting to the savings
lady).  It turns out there are two different phones and I am using the
wrong one.

I call the other phone and am put on hold.  Eventually someone answers and
says they need to transfer me.  I wait again.  Someone answers and they
can block my multipass.  Yes!  They cancel it and say my current account
will be charged.  I say "what?".  They say there is a charge for blocking
the multipass.  I say in that case I don't want to do it.  They say I need
to talk to my account manager.

I hang up and talk to my account manager.  I try very hard not to shout. 
He takes the multipass.  I leave and walk home again.

That's it so far; still no reply back from the person closing the account.

Andrew